This post is to solidify a memory that I can store away and relive on those gloomy days when it seems everyone on earth is unhappy. We had an experience a few weeks ago I won't soon forget. As Ben is in graduate school, we have not had dental insurance for three years and counting. In other words our motto throughout these last years, "brush your teeth and hope for the best." Well, the best was not to be had, and we recently noticed mammoth cavities in our mouths and knew we'd better figure out a way to fork over the dough. Because dental care is somewhat cheaper in his rural Idaho hometown, we made appointments with a dentist there, a dentist Ben had never met.
We were not looking forward to the hundreds of dollars we knew we were going to spend on our cavities and exams, but knew it had to be done. We did indeed have two cavities each, and they were filled with some laughter from us as we tried to talk to each other over the divider with numb cheeks and tongues. When we tried to pay what would have been hundreds of dollars, the doctor informed us that the visit was free! FREE!!!! ABSOLUTELY FREE!!! He said he knew what it was like to attend graduate school with a family, so our exam, x-rays, and fillings were free. This was the first time we had ever met this man and he still extended such generosity. Either that or he just felt really really sorry for us. I can't tell you what this meant to us. Thank you, thank you, Dr. Hammond.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
School Days
Today was Anna's last day of preschool. She was peeved that school is over and just can't fathom why anyone would just close school down for the summer. Isn't it wonderful when school is actually still fun for kids? For those of you who remember the trauma when she entered school, you understand what a big statement that is and just how far she's come. Ben and I were laughing last night about how humorous/tragic that first month was, so I decided to post some of the stuff that came out of her mouth at that time (and you just never know what will come out of that child's mouth).
The first few days were dynamite. I had been expecting a scene, as she never does well with change, but she charged into that classroom without looking back. That was week one, the calm before the storm. Week two... she decides she doesn't like the boys. "They're nice, I just don't like them. I just don't like boys I don't know." OK...I know that in about 10 years I will be WISHING for her to make that statement, but for a preschooler? Come on... She also told me the only thing she liked about school was the goodbye song because that meant I was coming to get her and school was over. Great, I pay a monthly tuition for a goodbye song. I tried every reasoning tactic I could muster to remind her how great school was, nothing worked. Finally, I suggested a prayer, figuring that there was no time like the present for a spiritual experience. I could just imagine her childlike faith, how great this would be for her, and that she would always remember this experience. The conversation that followed went something like this…
Me: Why don’t we say a prayer, Anna, and ask God to help you at school so that you won’t be so nervous.
Anna: That won’t work.
Me: Well, God will always help you, but you have to believe that He will. If you really believe that He will, He WILL help you.
Anna: I believe He can help me, I just don’t think it’s going to work.
Me: Well, why don’t we give it a try?
She said her little prayer and I waited for her to tell me what a remarkable experience it was and that she was ready to go to school with a smile. Instead, all I heard was her quiet muttering, “Well, THAT didn’t work. Still nervous.” Nice. So much for her spiritual experience.
Over time, her anxiety diminished, and it is now her favorite place to be. I laugh that maybe her prayer was answered. We'll see how next fall goes in her new preschool class, but until then, I guess I'll be coming up with interesting ways to keep her entertained for the summer. Wish me luck.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
If I Had Known
I've been meaning to post about this for a long time now. My great sister-in-law, Hannah Belnap Porter, wrote this wonderful poem that I have to share. Now STOP! Don't exit my blog just yet. I know what you're thinking... "A poem? I don't read blogs to discover new poetry"... but trust me, just trust me, you won't be disappointed. Ben read it first and told me to check it out, that he was quite emotional reading it. The next day, I did, and emotional myself, read it again and again. So just trust me...read on...
Hannah put this together at Easter about her experiences as a Physician's Assistant (PA) student at the Cook County Jail in Chicago, supposedly a horrible, mean place to be imprisoned. She has spent the last two years getting her Graduate Degree there in Chicago, and at this particular rotation at the jail, found herself grappling with feelings and questions that I think we can all relate to at one point or another in our lives. A little explanation of the poem and how it came to be in an email she sent with the poem...
"I have had many, many difficult moments of grappling with why this world is so unfair, comparing my life to theirs. They just didn't seem to have a chance from day one. Born as crack babies. A childhood of abuse. Eye witnesses of shootings, murders, and overdoses. Inevitably, drugs become their escape from a living hell. And drugs land them right inside the Cook County Jail. They broke a law, and the punishment is fair and has to be. But these are real people, who, guilty or not, are still victims of an unfair playing field. And I'm not so sure I would have done much better in their shoes. Maybe. Hopefully. But I just don't know.
Remember King Benjamin's answer to people who think we should withhold our charity because "the man hath brought upon himself his misery" and his "punishments are just." "For behold," he says, "are we not all beggars?"
These are things I have grappled with, cried over, and prayed about. One day it all came together in a rush of emotion that became a poem. I want to share it with you all, because never before has the Easter message been so clear or so beautiful to me.'
If I Had Known
We were born on different planets, you and I.
Or, at least, on different footing.
But if I had known…
You had a gun when you were 9
I would have invited you to play.
I had a brand new jump rope.
But you were trying to kill yourself
With the gun you had when you were 9.
If I had known…
Your daddy was selling you when you were 4
I would have invited you to my house.
My dad would’ve told us bedtime stories about magical flying horses.
But you were trying to not feel the pain
While grown men passed you around when you were 4.
If I had known…
Your mom abandoned you when you were 7
You could have lived with me.
My mom would have taught you to frost sugar cookies too.
But you were all alone in the ‘projects’
A little boy abandoned at age 7.
If I had known…
Your dad was giving you cocaine when you were 6
You could have come over for dinner.
I would have shared my favorite—Mom’s lasagna.
But you were hungry, with a strange burn in your nose
Snorting cocaine when you were 6.
If I had known…
Your dad told you you’d “never be nothin’ but a whore” when you were 10
My dad could have told you the truth.
Just like he told me I could be anything I wanted to be.
But you believed your dad
With no one else to believe when you were 10.
If I had known…
Your grandpa was abusing you when you were 12
You could have visited my grandpa instead.
He let us swing around on the clothesline in the backyard.
But while I swung around you were having a baby
Pregnant by your grandpa at age 12.
If I had known…
You would be driven to sell yourself when you were 16
I would have taught you, my sister, about our Father.
And how the worth of all souls is great in His sight.
But you never heard that there was another option
Besides selling yourself over and over when you were 16.
If I had known…
Your husband would kick you in your pregnant stomach.
I could have taught you how to choose a husband.
Mine left me a message that same day, just to say he loved me.
But no one ever told you that you deserved more
Than a man who only knows how to kick.
If I had known…
You would get high and shake your baby when you were exactly my age
I would have come for your baby.
I would have sung him to sleep instead.
But your little baby is with God now
And you’re in jail, at exactly my age.
Dear God, with your unlimited power why do you let it all happen?
“What would you do, my child, if you had my unlimited power with your limited vision?
“Would you have saved them all from their suffering?”
Yes! If I had known…
“And with that power what would you have done at Carthage?
“What would you have done at Golgotha?
“Would you have stopped the suffering before it was done?
My child, aren’t you glad you don’t make those decisions.”
It is not for me to know…
Why I got all the blessings until there seemed to be none left for you.
I only know that where much is given much is expected.
There are those who are to serve and those who are to be served upon.
So because I have been given much, I too must give.
To you, the “least of these.”
For how long, and how much?
Until I have made up the difference
Between a gun and a jump rope.
Between sugar cookies and cocaine.
Between peace and fear.
Until I hear Him say,
“These deeds shall thy memorial be; Fear not, thou didst them unto me.”
Oh it is wonderful!
That He who judges when it counts knows the whole story.
That this life is only a glimpse of the soul’s life.
That “the Son of Man hath descended below them all.”
The purest of all pure stained with the foulest of all filth.
“Nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.”
And now you, little girl turned prostitute, still have a chance.
To rise from the filth and become even as the Purest of all pure.
And so does your grandpa.
And so do I.
Oh it is wonderful!
I stand all amazed.
-Hannah Porter
Hannah put this together at Easter about her experiences as a Physician's Assistant (PA) student at the Cook County Jail in Chicago, supposedly a horrible, mean place to be imprisoned. She has spent the last two years getting her Graduate Degree there in Chicago, and at this particular rotation at the jail, found herself grappling with feelings and questions that I think we can all relate to at one point or another in our lives. A little explanation of the poem and how it came to be in an email she sent with the poem...
"I have had many, many difficult moments of grappling with why this world is so unfair, comparing my life to theirs. They just didn't seem to have a chance from day one. Born as crack babies. A childhood of abuse. Eye witnesses of shootings, murders, and overdoses. Inevitably, drugs become their escape from a living hell. And drugs land them right inside the Cook County Jail. They broke a law, and the punishment is fair and has to be. But these are real people, who, guilty or not, are still victims of an unfair playing field. And I'm not so sure I would have done much better in their shoes. Maybe. Hopefully. But I just don't know.
Remember King Benjamin's answer to people who think we should withhold our charity because "the man hath brought upon himself his misery" and his "punishments are just." "For behold," he says, "are we not all beggars?"
These are things I have grappled with, cried over, and prayed about. One day it all came together in a rush of emotion that became a poem. I want to share it with you all, because never before has the Easter message been so clear or so beautiful to me.'
If I Had Known
We were born on different planets, you and I.
Or, at least, on different footing.
But if I had known…
You had a gun when you were 9
I would have invited you to play.
I had a brand new jump rope.
But you were trying to kill yourself
With the gun you had when you were 9.
If I had known…
Your daddy was selling you when you were 4
I would have invited you to my house.
My dad would’ve told us bedtime stories about magical flying horses.
But you were trying to not feel the pain
While grown men passed you around when you were 4.
If I had known…
Your mom abandoned you when you were 7
You could have lived with me.
My mom would have taught you to frost sugar cookies too.
But you were all alone in the ‘projects’
A little boy abandoned at age 7.
If I had known…
Your dad was giving you cocaine when you were 6
You could have come over for dinner.
I would have shared my favorite—Mom’s lasagna.
But you were hungry, with a strange burn in your nose
Snorting cocaine when you were 6.
If I had known…
Your dad told you you’d “never be nothin’ but a whore” when you were 10
My dad could have told you the truth.
Just like he told me I could be anything I wanted to be.
But you believed your dad
With no one else to believe when you were 10.
If I had known…
Your grandpa was abusing you when you were 12
You could have visited my grandpa instead.
He let us swing around on the clothesline in the backyard.
But while I swung around you were having a baby
Pregnant by your grandpa at age 12.
If I had known…
You would be driven to sell yourself when you were 16
I would have taught you, my sister, about our Father.
And how the worth of all souls is great in His sight.
But you never heard that there was another option
Besides selling yourself over and over when you were 16.
If I had known…
Your husband would kick you in your pregnant stomach.
I could have taught you how to choose a husband.
Mine left me a message that same day, just to say he loved me.
But no one ever told you that you deserved more
Than a man who only knows how to kick.
If I had known…
You would get high and shake your baby when you were exactly my age
I would have come for your baby.
I would have sung him to sleep instead.
But your little baby is with God now
And you’re in jail, at exactly my age.
Dear God, with your unlimited power why do you let it all happen?
“What would you do, my child, if you had my unlimited power with your limited vision?
“Would you have saved them all from their suffering?”
Yes! If I had known…
“And with that power what would you have done at Carthage?
“What would you have done at Golgotha?
“Would you have stopped the suffering before it was done?
My child, aren’t you glad you don’t make those decisions.”
It is not for me to know…
Why I got all the blessings until there seemed to be none left for you.
I only know that where much is given much is expected.
There are those who are to serve and those who are to be served upon.
So because I have been given much, I too must give.
To you, the “least of these.”
For how long, and how much?
Until I have made up the difference
Between a gun and a jump rope.
Between sugar cookies and cocaine.
Between peace and fear.
Until I hear Him say,
“These deeds shall thy memorial be; Fear not, thou didst them unto me.”
Oh it is wonderful!
That He who judges when it counts knows the whole story.
That this life is only a glimpse of the soul’s life.
That “the Son of Man hath descended below them all.”
The purest of all pure stained with the foulest of all filth.
“Nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.”
And now you, little girl turned prostitute, still have a chance.
To rise from the filth and become even as the Purest of all pure.
And so does your grandpa.
And so do I.
Oh it is wonderful!
I stand all amazed.
-Hannah Porter
Sunday, May 4, 2008
"For you, a thousand times over..."
Wow, I think we may be the worst bloggers out there. We've been meaning to update this thing for quite some time now, but we just haven't gotten around to it.
Anyway, we had a great time the other day flying a kite. We decided to go for the big rainbow kite for $9.99 rather than the small batman kite for $5.99. All-in-all, I think we made a good choice. The big rainbow kite was a good flier--definitely four dollars better.
So as it turns out, the kids had a really good time. Truth be told, we did too. I (Ben) don't think I had ever successfully flown a kite before. I must say, there is something very gratifying about watching your kite fly high above everyone else's...even if it's a giant rainbow butterfly kite and the competition is a bunch of little kids.
After repeating the same lines from The Kite Runner over (see title of post) and over (getting less and less funny with each repeat) we successfully battled the win and rocked our little butterfly at 400 feet. It was magnificent.
Below, you'll see Anna whose spirit would simply not be broken in her attempts to fly a kite. She ran and ran, bless her heart, trying to get that kite going--to no avail. So she was able to do the majority of the kite flying once we got the kite in the air.
Here's Luke giving it his best shot:
Now we have a cute video of Luke who was getting a little frustrated but ended up being at the right place at the right time when his kite caught wind--or the wind caught the kite. Watch the video to see his surprised reaction. One or the other. Either way, we all had a very nice time.
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